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So I’ve landed in the USA. I’m an official registered alien which is fun. My first full awake day in the USA is ironically Australia day. Go me. I’ll be waving flags and eating Vegemite while people look at me strangely.

As a possible prelude for entering the USA, I was pulled aside for extra screening as I was boarding at Sydney, possibly because I was carrying more tech than you need to run a small country. Thankfully they decided to avoid the unwelcome colonoscopy and instead did the disturbingly intimate pat down and grope. I now know that a strange man in a uniform touching my genitals doesn’t turn me on, so there goes that fetish.

The flight was most entertaining. Imagine a hyperactive 7 year old watching constant excitable movies (weirdly, I’m sure this part won’t be hard with my family) with exceedingly long legs sitting behind you. Add to that a newborn who has never felt pressure changes before in the seat across from you, and lastly include the man who has know concept of elbows and seemed to be doing the chicken dance most of the trip. The only saving grace was Air Canada’s excellent service and very generous supply of quite decent red wine which helped immensely.

I’m also thrilled to report that despite the large collection of media available on the on demand media system in flight, hollywood have produced little of value in the last few years. Thankfully my iPad was fully stocked and every seat had USB (and regular) power. Gotta love new planes.

I cleared US customs and became a registered alien of USA in Toronto, Canada… 6 hours before I even entered the states. I should also mention that it was slightly weird to leave from Toronto, NSW, Australia and arrive in Toronto, Canada 26 hours later as one leg of the journey (before the final leg into USA). And yes, every “why did you bother leaving” joke has been made by staff there. Hilarious.

Today I visited the Social Security office to acquire my SSN number, the magic number that you seem to be unable to breathe without. Unfortunately, according to immigration my first name is timothy-charles and I don’t have a middle name which is rather disturbing. The lovely lady at the SS office said “I see it’s a problem, but there’s no way I can fix it on my system. Go back to immigration. Welcome to America!” which was nice.

So here I am. Officially able to live and work here finally. My cat sort of remembers me after 2.5 years. I’m fairly sure my wife does to which is nice. All I need now is a job, a house, and great wads of cash and I’m living the American dream. Go me.

And to absolutely make sure I knew I was in USA this morning, this greeted me in the papers…

Originally published at TimmieSaurus. You can comment here or there.

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Gods. Y'all made it.

Now, crack a tinnie, make that deep fried swill, and slap some Vegemite on it. Aussie Aussie Aussie. Oi. Oi. Oi.(and abuse some Lebbos. It's Tradition.

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